Creeds

No Mormon can grow up without knowing at some level what the appropriate Mormon attitude towards creeds are.  In the version of the First Vision account that the church prefers to use, God says all the church creeds are an abomination.  Its a pretty direct statement.  At least in my growing up experience, the only creed I knew by name was the Nicene Creed.  The only things I knew about it was that it got its authority from a vote instead of by revelation and that it was full of contradictory nonsense about God being three persons but not three persons, everywhere and nowhere, material and immaterial etc all at once.  So I was very surprised when I first attended an Episcopal Church service and discovered that I didn't know very much about what I was talking about.

I won't say that the creeds of Christianity are somehow perfect or an unassailable version of truth with a clean history.  Frankly, the amount of human conflict that the creeds formed an excuse for is embarrassing.  The amount of debate over the nature of God and truth embodied in Christian history can make it almost impossible to discuss what God is as opposed to what God isn't without accidentally falling into some traditional category of heretic, leading to amusing memes such as: 

I've even once read someone suggest that one of the problems in Christian history is that once Christianity had power, it obsessed on defining itself and deciding what to do with those who disagreed rather than on how better to live a Christian life.  Of course, that summary is problematic, but it summarizes simply the historical moral tension between setting up enforceable definitions and expressing love to those who disagree with you.  For all that, the creeds deserve respect if for no other reason than that they often represent the best agreements that people could achieve after enormous amounts of effort expended and unfortunately at times blood spilled over trying to define concepts that are fundamentally important to all Christians and yet so difficult to define in any kind of testable way.  In the Episcopal tradition, the creeds generally are not always discussed as absolute truths, but sometimes as sources of tradition reminding people of what Christianity has meant over time, even if individuals may disagree with them.

But what are these creeds?  According to Wikipedia, there are more than 100 statements of faith which could be considered as creeds by different Christian religions at different times in history.  However, Wikipedia presents only six main creeds which might be considered central to the understanding of most of Western Christian Churches.  Below I explore a few of these.

Of course, you might ask why go over any of the creeds in particular?  Aren't they simply points of disagreement which can't be resolved and so shouldn't be discussed?  And at some point isn't it more important to experience God and participate in the Love of God than it is to define God?  Well, in some ways of course.  But on the other hand, a lack of familiarity of each others beliefs can create disrespect.  If all that LDS people really know about the creeds are that Joseph Smith taught that they were "all abominations" and that all of the teachers of religion who taught them were or are all denying the power of God, LDS people will have very little ability to fundamentally respect the beliefs of those around them, similar to how many Christians may have difficulty respecting the LDS tradition if they only experience it through caricatures based on fear.  Mutual respect must be based on knowledge.

The Apostles Creed, which is used in Episcopalian Baptismal, Confirmation, and Morning Prayer services, reads:

I believe in God, the Father almighty,
    creator of heaven and earth;
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
    He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit
        and born of the Virgin Mary.
    He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
        was crucified, died, and was buried.
    He descended to the dead.
    On the third day he rose again.
    He ascended into heaven,
        and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
    He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
    the holy catholic Church,
    the communion of saints,
    the forgiveness of sins
    the resurrection of the body,
    and the life everlasting. Amen.

I'm honestly not sure what exactly LDS people would find abominable about this particular creed.  The word catholic is here used to mean "universal," rather than the Catholic Church which Episcopalians don't "believe in" despite reciting these words as part of worship.  In Mormon speak, you might say that you believed in "The Church of the Firstborn" as discussed in D&C 76, meaning the church of all those who are saved, or that the true church is universally true.  The communion of Saints, as quoted from Wikipedia, is "is the spiritual union of the members of the Christian Church, living and the dead, those on earth, in heaven, and, for those who believe in purgatory, those also who are in that state of purification."  Again this is not a foreign concept to the LDS religion, which baptizes both the living and the dead into membership of the same church.  Unless you want to split hairs and discuss how some early LDS church leaders talked as if they didn't believe in Virgin Birth even though most assuredly the overwhelming majority of members and leaders do, it would be a safe bet to say that practically all Mormons actually believe in the essentials of the Apostles Creed.  They just use different vocabulary to discuss it and have a different vision the concepts involved.

Even less abominable is the Creed of Jerusalem, which, quoting from wikipedia, states:

I believe in the Father, and in the Son, and in the Holy Ghost, and in one Baptism of repentance. 

The Nicene creed has historically gone through a variety of edits, both in the original text and in how it has been translated.  The modernized text version used in many Episcopal Sunday worship services is the following:

We believe in one God,
    the Father, the Almighty,
    maker of heaven and earth,
    of all that is, seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
    the only Son of God,
    eternally begotten of the Father,
    God from God, Light from Light,
    true God from true God,
    begotten, not made,
    of one Being with the Father.
    Through him all things were made.
    For us and for our salvation
        he came down from heaven:
    by the power of the Holy Spirit
        he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
        and was made man.
    For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
        he suffered death and was buried.
        On the third day he rose again
            in accordance with the Scriptures;
        he ascended into heaven
            and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

    He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
        and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
    who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
    With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.
    He has spoken through the Prophets.

    We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
    We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
    We look for the resurrection of the dead,
        and the life of the world to come. Amen.

You really have to stop and think to figure out which parts of this the LDS church fundamentally disagrees with.  The typical idea of the LDS church is that the godhead is united in purpose and in love, not in "being."   However, given that the Lectures on Faith  taught that God the Father and Jesus Christ were the only two individuals in the Godhead, united by a shared mind which was the Holy Ghost, this concept actually fits right into an earlier version of Mormon theology that simply was replaced in the ongoing evolution of doctrine.  As such I don't see how it could be viewed as abominable as opposed to simply a disagreement.  Also, the LDS church wouldn't normally think of the Holy Ghost as being a "giver of life," viewing the essence of identity and life as being something uncreated which is added upon by different acts of creation and sanctification in which all the members of the godhead hold a part.  But again, this doesn't rise to the level of abomination.

When the LDS people I grew up around criticized the Nicene Creed, I think they were really thinking of the Athanasian Creed.  It has the classic linguistic mysteries that the Mormon's I grew up around loved to criticize, such as "That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; Neither confounding the Persons; nor dividing the Essence." and "And yet they are not three Gods; but one God. So likewise the Father is Lord; the Son Lord; and the Holy Ghost Lord. And yet not three Lords; but one Lord."  This creed can be found in the "Historical Documents" section of the Book of Common Prayer, to show that it is not rejected, but on the other hand it is not accepted enough or viewed as vital enough to be included in any act of worship.  Of all the central creeds that define virtually all of Western Christianity, this is the only one that I can think of that the LDS church vehemently and passionately disagrees with in the whole.  The Athanasian Creed probably best sums up why many denominations of Christians can't find a way to accept Mormons as fellow believers in Christ.  Its opening lines read:

Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith. Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled; without doubt he shall perish everlastingly. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity; Neither confounding the Persons; nor dividing the Essence.

The creed sets up a new requirement for salvation in which correct opinions about the trinity are absolutely vital to not being sent to Hell.  It is difficult to see how denominations that take that injunction seriously and believe in Hell literally could possibly view anyone who disagrees about the trinity as being truly Christian.  It would be no more likely than Mormon's could stop believing that all other Christians are apostates.  The core idea that having wrong opinions is a damnable sin is familiar in Mormonism, leading Bruce R. McConkie to say "Truth, diamond truth, truth unmixed with error, truth alone leads to salvation."  This concept that salvation is based in part on having right opinions is deeply unfortunate, since I am unable to think of anything in particular in Christ's teachings which suggest such a prime importance of someone's opinions on a subject which Christ himself left so obscure as to create controversy lasting for centuries.  I simply don't believe the idea that correct belief in the trinity is a core matter of salvation.  Christ's teachings suggest that such surface issues of worship and belief are of secondary importance.  In Matthew chapter 7, we read:

 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.  On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?’ 

If saying "Lord, Lord" doesn't count for much, having an exact idea of who is meant by "Lord, Lord" shouldn't count for as much either.  Also, in Matthew chapter 25 we read:

‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink?  And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing?  And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’  And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

I can't imagine Jesus saying those things, and then at the pearly gates telling someone that they didn't make the cut because they had their ideas about the trinity wrong.  It is simply absurd.  When Christ said "I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith." regarding the Centurion whose daughter he healed, Christ wasn't talking the correctness of the Centurion's Trinitarian theology.  He was simply praising the Centurion's confidence in God's love and power as witnessed in Christ, regardless of the probability that the Roman Centurion was a polytheist who almost certainly participated in Roman worship.
  
I find the concept of the Trinity to be a useful way to contemplate the mystery and manifestation of God, rather than as a way to define God.  The creeds are a useful way of focusing that contemplation.  Looking back, I am embarrassed by my youthful antagonism towards the creeds.  They may not be perfect, but what product of the human mind is?

Prayer and Family Worship- Episcopalian Style

In many ways, our family worship has remained the same since joining the Episcopal Church.  We still read our scriptures daily- when we can manage it.  We still pray daily, including over our food.  We still go to church as a family every week, although only for two hours (if you include hanging out for socializing afterwards) instead of three.  But we now enrich our family worship traditions with some of the ritual forms of worship found in the Book of Common Prayer.

The Book of Common Prayer is the guiding tradition of ritual worship in the Episcopal Church, guiding how worship is performed at church and at home, through the week, and through the year.  There are traditional schedules for reading the bible, traditional worship services for different times of day adapted for daily and church life from the English monastic traditions, and an entire church calender that focuses worship on different parts of Christ's life through different parts of the year.  Community and individual prayer are an intense part of the worship tradition in the Episcopal Church, so much so that we were taken somewhat aback when asked by a family member if we still prayed.

Ritual worship is something that I grew up disrespecting as an inauthentic way to reach God, despite the many formal and informal ritual worship phrases and ceremonies in the LDS tradition.  But praying with an intent to be always spontaneous and conversational failed to work for my own personal worship the way it used to.  When I stopped believing in the LDS church, I didn't feel like I knew who I was talking to when I prayed anymore.  All the answers I knew from growing up were ones I was now willing to throw out because just because a general authority or LDS Sunday School teacher told me so was no longer a good enough reason to believe anything anymore.  One advantage of ritual worship is that it allows you to directly join an inclusive community of worship even if you aren't sure of your own path to worship alone anymore.  It's helped me refind my voice as I've tried to redecide who I thought God was.

We've started to include using elements of these traditions in our family worship as well.  Our kids seem to really love rituals and routines.  Heaven forbid we change the order of events in which bedtime is done.  But, they appear to enjoy us adding pieces in, and join in with their own exuberance.  A few quotes give some of the flavor of how bedtime prayer (with elements of the Compline ritual) can go in our house these days:

Mom “Give us this day our (Yawn)
L: “DAILY BREAD!!!”
Mom “Yes that’s right L, daily bread”
L: “GIVE US OUR REFRIGERATORS!!!” (laughs hysterically)

Mom: “It’s time for bed”
L: “THANKS BE TO GOD!!!” (repeated over, and over, and over)
("Thanks Be to God" is the ritual closing phrase at church, so L innovated on the normal routine to declare that worship was done.)

Mom: “Let’s all cuddle and sing a calming down song” (proceeds to sing gospel hymn from church because its the only calm song coming to mind)
T: “We sing that calming down song at church!”
— Later upon tucking into bed T sings the gospel hymn to himself

Mom: (recites Lord’s Prayer)
T: "Do you need the book now so you can read the "Guide us waking, O Lord, and guard us sleeping; that awake we may watch with Christ, and asleep we may rest in peace.” with the Allelulia’s at the end?"
L: “ALLELULIA!  ALLELULIA!"
(How T memorized that when its unclear how much he pays attention normally is a mystery to us.)

Although prayers for refrigerators from a two year old might cause some hilarious distraction, the rituals of the Episcopal Church form a structure of worship through the day, week, and year that is rich, beautiful, and Christ centered.

Confirmation

Last Sunday, my wife and I were confirmed members of the Episcopal Church.  Since I have already covered what that doctrinally means in a previous post, I wanted to simply give a few thoughts on the experience.

Between the youth and adults being confirmed, we were in the largest group to be confirmed at one time in the history of the parish, which extends back more than 100 years.  As a result, there was some excitement over the event.  The ceremony is presided over and performed by the Bishop.  An Episcopal Church Bishop is somewhere between an LDS area authority 70 and a Stake President- so he isn't someone who I've encountered a lot beyond the thoughts on daily scripture readings he posts on facebook.  But for such a special occasion, he spent more time with us.  During a practice rehearsal of the ceremony ahead of time, he spent some time going over with us the history of the practice of confirmation and how that practice differed between different faith traditions.  Apparently, there are two vows in the Episcopal traditions of baptism and confirmation that are, to the Bishop's knowledge, fairly unique to the Episcopal church.  They are the following:

• "Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving  your neighbor as yourself?"
• "Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?"

 He suggested that raising these concepts to the level of being part of the baptismal/confirmation vows is very unique and should take a particular place in the setting apart our sense of identity as Episcopalians.

Following the rehearsal, there was a community dinner in honor of all being confirmed.  Having heard that it was going to be a pasta dinner, I had visions in my head of a bunch of uninspiring noodles heated up with bottled tomato sauce.  In reality, it was superb.  I don't like to go out to eat places where I can cook better than the food being offered is and the chef catering our dinner clearly is a better cook than I am.  While I might be able to replicate the dishes prepared for us if I knew the recipe, I frankly couldn't do so just on general inspiration.  I had originally thought of having extended family come with us to this dinner as part of the general family celebration of my graduation, I'm now somewhat glad I did not.  Moderate amounts of alcohol were being drunk by many of those present and I know it is not uncommon for LDS people to feel uncomfortable in settings where alcohol is being served.  I was personally amused by the situation, since I can now say that my first experience with being around people who had just enough alcohol in them to make them more sociable was at church.

Similar to how LDS children are often given journals or their own copies of the scripture when they are baptized, Episcopalians are often given their own copy of the Book of Common Prayer as a traditional confirmation gift.  Both my wife and I were presented with copies which were signed by both our confirmation sponsors and by the Bishop.  This brings the total number of copies in our possession to three.  I have been working on learning how to adapt the spiritual ritual practices of the Episcopal Church into my life, so these were welcome gifts.

On the day of the confirmation, we had to attend church at a service later in the day than usual since the Bishop was doing all confirmations at the same time.  The social hour in between the two services was packed with people.  The mood was celebratory.  Photographs were being taken all around.  The Bishop took all of the people being confirmed aside to visit with us ahead of the ceremony and asked if we wanted to share our thoughts and feelings.  Many tender emotions were expressed, with at least one person there breaking into tears.  The ceremony itself was joyous, and there was an extravagant burst of applause following the completion of the confirmations.  There is a kind of emotional power in a group of people making spiritual vows together, not just quietly whispered but with loud confidence.  The sense of community created is beautiful, especially when the congregation at large promises to help those being confirmed live out their promises.

I grew up being taught that those who left the LDS church would invariably have much of the light and spiritual spark in their lives die as a result.  I was taught that all who left typically fell prey to dire temptations and a darkening of their personalities as satan took over their hearts.  Frankly, leaving the LDS church can be a very dark and disturbing experience where your entire sense of identity,  personal and family relationships, worldview, and sense of morality can be reevaluated so fast that some people are left with a sense of vertigo.  Family and community rejection is common.  Who wouldn't face a period of darkness after the entire foundation of their life was disrupted?  But that has nothing to do with the rebuilding of lives that can happen afterwards.  Confirmation is, in part, a way for me to solidify my new way of interpreting my Christian identity.  The Episcopal church is a faith community I am proud to be a part of.

Easter Season Disconnect

Easter season produces a very large sense of disconnect between my past and present.  For an idea of the magnitude of the dissonance, take a look this article from the Deseret News.  To sum it up, in the population of Mormon's studied by this BYU professor, Easter observances in the LDS faith around the Utah area where he surveyed are completely dominated by the observance of General Conference.  In terms of how much planning an preparation go into their holidays, the respondents put Easter as 3rd, with Christmas at the top, Thanksgiving second, and then Easter only slightly ahead of the 4th of July.  A minority of the respondents knew what day Easter was on that year, had a thorough familiarity with the events of the New Testament leading up to Easter, and a minority followed specific worship remembrances of the Easter season.  Even when General Conference does not fall on top of Easter, ward level celebrations of Easter only consistently rose to the level of being the subject of talks and hymns during Sacrament meeting.  Specific areas had more local traditions, but it was fairly universal that the lesson materials for the day on Easter were not on the subject of Easter during Sunday School or Priesthood/Relief Society meetings.  As a church, the celebration gets a few hymns and talks on one day.  Other observances are family or locally based.

In the Episcopal tradition, which preserves much of the traditional structure of Catholicism and is mirrored in many elements by other protestant religions, devotes 44 days (including Sundays which are traditionally not counted) to Lent which prepares for Easter, 7 days to Holy Week which re enacts and focuses Worship on the specific New Testament events leading up to Easter, and 50 days to celebrating Easter afterwards.  Or in other words, 101 days focused on Easter either in preparation for it or in remembrance afterwards.  That is 27% of the entire year, focused on one holiday.  The seasons are marked by many specific celebrations, in particular during Holy Week.

Of course, the LDS belief that all of Christendom is in a state of apostasy doesn't produce much cultural borrowing from other worship traditions- especially anything that looks vaguely Catholic.  Also, the LDS holiday traditions are arguably descended from Puritan dominated New England where the celebration of holidays including Easter and Christmas was discouraged.  Even knowing all of that, transitioning from Easter being something that growing up we occasionally honored with a little bit of candy and deviled dyed eggs to having Easter dominate almost one third of the year is startling.  The rapid swing from the sedate worship during Lent to the intense outbreak of joy on Easter makes a profound effect.

Now that I can start to view my past celebrations of Easter from an outsider perspective, there is a stark contrast.  I can respect that Mormonism wishes to be viewed as part of Christianity and I think it deserves to be considered so- just a branch of it that isn't descended directly from the historical flow of events or historical doctrinal progression.  But now it feels distinctly odd for a Christian religion to share so little in the outbreak of joy that makes up the Easter season.  It feels distinctly odd that crosses are typically considered to be taboo or even sometimes offensive symbols in Mormonism.  It feels odd that the statements of recent religious leaders eclipse the words of Christ in the New Testament in theological significance.  Its hard to say that any of that is right or wrong- its simply a different pattern to express faith that I no longer find meaningful for myself.  But the contrast between my present and my past is especially deep in Easter Season.

My Easter

I've never experienced Easter with so much anticipation in my life before.  Though I wouldn't say I managed to fully dive into the participation of the Lent and Holy Week traditions, I was aware they were there and they've driven the themes of worship and devotion at church and somewhat at home for months now.  It will dominate worship for some time yet- Easter is a season in the Episcopal Church, not only a day.

Last night I got home from work to find my wife carried through on my suggestion that we participate in the potluck refreshments for after the services.  She's got an entire walnut bread braid in advanced stages of preparation.  She goes to bed and I finish cooking it.  It's a beautiful creation.  Chatting with my wife I find out a little of gossip of what has been going on at general conference, and I find more when browse the web.  I'm worried.  What negative messages about people like me will be delivered over the pulpit?  Why does someone feel a need to stir the pot by casting dissenting votes to not sustain church leaders?  Sure it probably felt good to them and showed more prominently the weirdness of a vote where a no vote  is not only meaningless to outcomes but also is considered socially inappropriate and probably a violation of covenant obligations.  But, in real terms, other than making people mad it accomplished pretty much nothing.  Will my family think I'm just another "crazy angry person" instead of realizing I'm just me?  Will they even care who or what I am if simple answers are provided to those questions over the pulpit?

Easter Morning arrives.  The church is packed, and the service is practically a burst of joy.  Shouts of Alleluja, energetic singing, a professional organist, and high church liturgy all combine for an experience the like I've experienced no where else in my life.  The contrast of Easter being routinely almost eclipsed by General Conference in Mormonism is strong.  Different faiths, different traditions.  Just being able to remember the disrespectful things I learned to think about other faith tradition's ways of interacting with Christ compared to this massive eruption of Christ centered joy in Easter make it hard to forget the difference.  Looking back, other than the Easter candy I'm not sure my family had much in terms of Easter traditions.  Of course, we weren't big on tradition as a family anyways and, well, General Conference often falls on top of Easter so why would there be?  Easter candy is a tradition that will continue in any case.  Our kids gather Easter eggs outside of the church and we enjoy refreshments.  There is practically a feast going on.  The two loaves of bread we made are completely consumed and the kids stuff themselves on candy.  Friendly church members who don't want to take any of the candy home help out, making sure our kids don't lack for chocolate.

Afterwards at home, we relax some.  I'd forgotten how big of a deal Easter is in our new tradition, so I had forgotten to ask off work in time.  I don't want to go to work.  I don't want to deal with my hyper Mormon coworkers who will be more hyper Mormon than usual because its General Conference time.  Because its tasty, soothing, and helps me feel like I'm putting emotional distance between myself and my hyper mormon judgmental coworkers- I brew up some tea to take to work with me.  Nothing shouts non mormon like a travel coffee mug with yummy tea in it.  Too bad I was in such a hurry to get out the door, I can never get the tea just right when I'm in a hurry and I'm still experimenting with how best to make it.

When I get to work, I push the distance between my hyper mormon co workers and myself even farther apart by going to the back of the room where a little group of mostly non Mormon's hang out.  They won't judge the tea- why would they?  As far as food goes, in this crowd I'm just weird because I only cook with alcohol instead of drinking it.  When I go to the break room, I find someone has turned on General Conference on the large screen TV.  I don't want to listen to General Conference, so I go outside instead.  I'm still worried, what are my parents and family and friends hearing about "people like me" that they'll assume is gospel truth just because someone whose never met me before claims to be able to speak for all the ex mormon's in the world and explain their spiritual characteristics.  How do I stop caring?  I probably never will.  At least not fully.

I wish I were home.  It may be a slow day at work, but working holidays is lame when I'd rather be with my family.  I read some in a devotional book, a lot in a fun book, help customers fix their telecommunications, and get yelled at a few times by customers.  "Hail thee Festival Day" is still ringing in my ears, but Easter at work just doesn't cut it.

Perception and Connection

I like food.  I like playing with making food.  I like tasting new flavors and learning new techniques for making food.  Occasionally, I even like to talk about food.  I like to brag about how my wife makes amazing meals for me to eat.  Despite life being crazy busy, she makes things that are new and interesting on a semi regular basis, which is pretty impressive considering how the kids behave sometimes.  Just recently, we had a bottle of "rose water" arrive in the mail, and my wife exclaimed "Hooray, I can finally try that wine pasta with the saffron and the rose water sauce."  I frankly have almost no idea what to expect, other than that I'll experience something probably incredibly delicious with flavors I've never experienced before in my life.  When I come across something spectacular and special, I want to share it.  It's part of how I connect to life and to other people who can rejoice with me in the celebration of life that eating represents.

Since I no longer feel morally bound by the paradigms of Mormonism, I naturally have a desire to expand my boundaries and in the process I discover new worlds of flavor.  Recently the expanding horizons we've been playing with have involved tea.  Though our first tries weren't very good, we've found some basic flavors that we've fallen in love with.  There is an entire world of flavors involved in tea drinking and we've only just scratched the surface.  I've tried a number of types of tea, experimented with different techniques of preparation, and learned how to work with new types of equipment.  Its as if I just opened a new flavor world just waiting for me to play in it.  That's my perception.  With anything that fun I'd just love to reach out and connect to people in sharing just the simple joy of flavor.

But who would I share such a connection with?  My perceptions aren't the only ones that matter to make a connection.  To most of my social world from my life before leaving the church, I'm participating in a forbidden act.  It would look like I was smearing the signs of my unholiness as a badge of honor- rejoicing in wickedness.  Some would probably think that I probably left the church because I just wanted to sin anyways and so came up with excuses to allow myself to do so.  For some, it would be as if I were posting a picture of using a dangerous drug like Meth and then bragging about how awesome it was and asking for people to follow in my footsteps.  It could be seen as crass and immoral- an example of the bad things that come to those who wander in spiritually dangerous territory.  Some might even speculate that my poor health over the past few months was a punishment from God or a withdrawal of blessings for being willing to cook with and partake of forbidden foods in rejection of the pure will of God.  Without shared perception, there is little room for human connection.  Even while I can enjoy playing with new flavors and using new tools for creating new worlds of experience, I mourn the loss of connection.